I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
