Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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