he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
