Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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