Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize