eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
