Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
