you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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