your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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