I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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