Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
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My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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