your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
