Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Watching her eat just hurts me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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