we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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