True but thats because hes a fetus.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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