For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
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Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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