I looked at my own cervix.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
