Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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