I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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