I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I would ride that face into the sunset
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
