Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
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As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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