omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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