It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
