There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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