Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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