Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
