perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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