So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
