I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
