ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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