id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
