Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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