Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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