Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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