Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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