I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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