I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
