you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
