I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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