It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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