I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
