does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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