he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
