i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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