Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dear god my vagina.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
