You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
