while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
