u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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