From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
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Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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