32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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