Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
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just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize