and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
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You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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