Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
