I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
