I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
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i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
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Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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