Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
