doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
