So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
