Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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