also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
