I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
