I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
