Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
