Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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